I Hate Hospitals

The first time I ever fainted, I was just visiting someone in ICU, so lots of tubes and needles. I’m a bit squeamish (understatement) and can barely handle putting a bandaid on a cut finger. Your skin isn’t supposed to be sliced open. It freaks me out. And anything more than that doesn’t even compute. Tubes, needles, knives…

I start imagining what it would look like from the inside of the body (if there was good lighting) and my brain just sort of shuts down. There’s no feeling of fear associated with it, just a NOPE!  And then no more blood to my brain. 

Yesterday, getting a lumbar epidural nerve block thing.. I was too tired to distract myself. The doctor was just doing the numbing part, and his warning of 3, 2, 1’s were enough. Suddenly, all I hear is my heart rate finger thing going beep.. beep.. beep….. boop……. woop………. woop…………. woop…

Next thing I know, I’m hearing people ask if I’m still with them. Hadn’t even gotten to the epidural part. I turned a five minute procedure into a twenty minute one because I’m a big wimp. If they hadn’t dragged me to the surgery area to do this, I probably would have done better… but being surrounded by morgue looking tables and racks of tubes and other things was just too much. They had to lie me down and get cold rags and crap and take my blood pressure a billion (three) extra times. Another patient was already waiting because it was supposed to be a simple in and out thing (not including the three hour wait.)

Every time I go into a hospital, I get light headed. If I have to go up off the first floor, I feel like the building is swaying. My only fear involved, is now a fear that I might pass out at any time. I’ve gotten used to telling doctors to not show me things like needles or describe anything in too much detail. I’ve gotten even better at knowing when my heart isn’t going to get any more blood to my brain without gravity’s help. Unfortunately, I had figured the fact I was leaning over my legs would have been enough, as it usually is… But I learned something new.

Funny thing is, I was debating warning them of my tendency to faint (or come very close.) But Itty Bitty had me up since 2:30 AM from a stomach virus and I was too tired to talk more than necessary. I had also convinced myself I would be fine since I couldn’t see it. I kept reminding myself of the people I overheard getting ready for real surgery… I think imagining those people having scalpels cutting them open actually made it worse.

I’ll warn them next time… since I also learned I was signed up for a series of these and will be doing it at least twice more.